Boozey Booze: Jägerbomb Ice Cream

Epiphany - A moment of great or sudden revelation.

I had one of those the other night. 

It had been in the spare bedroom of my mind for some time to incorporate Jägermeister with ice cream when I realised there'll probably be very few days left this summer to enjoy such a treat. I asked myself how I could do this and like a flash this appeared in my mind. There's no explanation for it. The fully formed idea was just there all of a sudden. 

Like a gift from the God of drink.

I'll be blatantly honest and also give away the ending while I'm at it. I had zero hope for this working out. 

I was wrong. This is what I want to be remembered for. It's that good. 

Right here is my gift to humanity. 

No hidden ingredients in this one, just Jägermeister, Red Bull and Vanilla Ice Cream.

The trick is freezing the can of Red Bull. It'll take a while but it's worth it. Just pour it into a plastic (microwavable) container and stick in in the freezer for a few hours. I honestly don't know how long it takes, I put mine in the freezer at 9.30pm, retreated to the boozer, returned home at 1.30am and it was done. It is a bit of a pain but theoretically you could fill a few unused freezer drawers with mounds of these things... That'd be a beautiful sight. 

Next trick... give the solid block 10 or 15 seconds in the microwave and you've got this wonderful Red Bull slush.

Fill the necessary amount of glasses halfway with the icey slush, you'll get about 3 servings out of a standard can and a 100ml Jäger bottle. 

Throw in a scoop of ice cream (I blasted the ice cream for 20 seconds in the microwave to soften it up a bit) then drizzle over a shot of Jägermeister.

Stick in a spoon and a couple of straws, mixed it around a bit, then lose your fucking mind when you taste how unbelievably delicious this is. The creaminess of the ice cream works so bloody well with the Jägerbomb taste. It's an absolute delight.

Go. Now. MAKE THIS AT HOME!!

You're welcome

The Boozey Swine.

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Hangover Hazard: Shit At Shopping.

If I'm feeling a little rough on a Sunday evening I generally tackle the problem with a phone call to any one of a number of local businesses who are well stocked in either the curry or garlic sauce department...
Regardless of the state I'm in on a Monday I'll generally go to the shops and buy a few bits for the dinner... Just to get out of the house, like. On an all too regular basis, especially when the cursed horrors still have a tight grip on my emotions, I come home with absolutely nothing of significant value, nutritional or otherwise.
Case in point: Last Monday.

• Wraps 
• Cream cheese (I had the above regular cheese already, luckily enough)  
• Crispy onion bits 
• 6 packets of crisps 

That. was. fucking. it.

I'm not a young lad any more friends, this shit ain't excusable. The old brain cells really did hop on the mitch on this occasion. Although that being said, it is one of my ambitions to go on Ready Steady Cook with such an assortment of shite.

I decided to suffer on and make the most of this misspent (both time and money) endeavour and form the ingredients into some kind of super cheese & onion crisp sandwich that's wrapped in something that if I'd ever seen one as a child (a tortilla wrap in 80's Ireland?) I'd have presumed was a giant crisp (or possibly one of those big holy communions).

On the left you'll see I've slathered on some cream cheese with wild abondon, sprinkled it amorously with grated cheese then beautified the whole lot with crispy onion bits.
Sorry, I went a bit Nigella on that last sentence, moving on...
On the right is the result of 20 or 30 seconds in the microwave (it could have been a minute or 2 in the oven, I tried both ways with similar results).

Next I crushed up a bag of Walkers C & O and threw them on top. If you're using another brand you might only need half a bag but since the actual precise scientific measurement for how many crisps are in a bag of Walkers is 'Fuck All' I used a full bag.

That's it, wrap it up. There's no way of making this look any more wholesome than it is. You could garnish it with 20 Major if you wanted to quickly double the nutritional value though.

There's no easy way to describe eating this. I suppose the overriding emotion I felt was shame...

There's no supposing. It was shame. SHAME.

The tastes were all familiar, yet, never before had they been presented to my tongue without being backed up with something you could class as food. I immediately felt a hollowness in my stomach, not that I was going to get sick, more of a 'what the fuck are you doing to us' vibe. It tasted fine,I suppose, there was not one part that stood out as offensive, yet all together, offended was exactly how it felt. I made a second one just to be sure.

My mood was unusual for the rest of the night. 

I thought I'd look back at this 'cheese & onion crisps with cheeses and onions inside a thing that looks like a giant crisp' thing and laugh. I haven't yet and don't expect to any time soon. I'm not proud of what I've done. This isn't a blog post so much as it is an exercise in self inflicted public humiliation with the hopes that it won't be repeated again by you or me. 

Do not try this at home.

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B.Swine