Friday, December 21, 2012

Not One Bit Of This Was Smart...

Due to the economic cluster fuck that's enriching our lovely little allotment at the moment I have found myself in the enviable position of no longer having to live by the previously con-straining and creatively stifling norms of 9-5 life and the constant gnawing of the well worn snooze button.

Or to put it in almost football like terms; The Boozey Swine. He sleeps when he wants.
And as such I eat when I want.
Like I did last a few weeks ago with this fine mess.
Wednesday night, a few sociable pints in good company that blossomed into a few cans (with levels of sociability at this point diminishing at a fairly predictable rate) followed by the uphill 2 mile 4am walk (a generous verb given the circumstances) to the home place, and without getting dramatic my denim jeans/denim jacket ensemble didn't really afford me adequate protection from the elements.
Add to all this I'd probably in the previous 24 hours, given my hectic schedule, eaten nothing but a bowl of cereal.
I was understandably tired, hungry, cold and emotional so the usual defences that I'd conditioned into my brain to stop, for the love of God, cooking/eating at awful hours like this had easily been anesthetized.

The Serious Shit/Disclaimer:
I'll never be one to advocate cooking in this condition, especially when you're alone. The sudden warmth and comfort of a house will send your body and brain to quickly prioritise sleep over food regardless of how hungry you are and the 18-22 minutes that the average pizza takes to cook is more than ample time for your body to switch off.
Luckily this hasn't happened to me, but I know of a number of people who've ruined food and more importantly ovens after falling asleep and I even know of one person who burnt their kitchen down after a chip pan fire.
If you really must cook in this condition (and really have a bit of cop on and don't) leave it to appliances that can shut off on a timer and set a countdown alarm on your phone. Let's not see a good pizza wasted.

It's a weekly ritual of mine to scour around the sauce aisles of the local shops looking for new products that might have a positive effect on my life. My sauces of choice of late have been getting hotter and spicier by the week as I've been finding it harder and harder to re live the glory of that first buzz.

Now this is being published partly in the hope that it'll sufficiently put me off ever doing it again. Clearly the combination of ingredients I used to make the following sauce had little bearing on flavour and all on how much heat I could create with absolutely no consideration on what state it was going to leave me in the next day.

I just went through the kitchen and took out everything with a bit of heat in it, of course I did have a little sense and blended everything with some mayonnaise, I'm not a complete maniac.
So I ended up with some ground Black Pepper, some ground Jamie Oliver, Jalapeño Hot Sauce, Habanero Ketchup, English Mustard, Mayo, Paprika and Cayenne Chilli Pepper.

I used it as a crust dipping sauce for this lad...

Cooked the pizza and slightly over cooked some curly fries...

Get a close up on that shite....

Mixed up it looks a lot less offensive...

There's no point describing the taste unless you want me to say it tasted like a box of matches. My insides didn't cool down for about 2 days after it. Do not do this to yourself, I did so you don't have to.

The pizza, which I've had without the lava is delicious, well worth a few quid. For a much nicer crust dipping sauce I recommend a combination of the 'Heinz Green Jalapeño Hot Sauce' and the 'Hot-Headz Habanero Ketchup' cut with some mayonnaise... You can even arrange it into an Italian flag, perfect for pizza!

Boozey Swine

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Curry, Cheese and Coleslaw Chips

I'd been hearing murmurings for a while about the existence of this variation of chips but I'd yet to see it on a menu in any of my local chip dealerships, and as far as I know (I'm sure I'll be corrected if I'm wrong) no Newbridge chippers offer coleslaw as a topping so I had to assemble this myself.

I've already covered in great detail the topic of Curry Cheese Chips so I'll avoid repeating myself only to say that like any sandwich you must give plenty of consideration to what the optimal temperature of each ingredient is, ie coleslaw will turn manky if it's let sit on top of hot chips and hot curry for any length of time. To combat any issues proper assembly and immediate consumption is in your best interests.

This was made on an evening when one of my scavenging hunts went particularly well; some oven chips left in the freezer, good white cheddar and coleslaw in the fridge and some curry powder lying around too. You want to prioritise the layering in this order: Chips, curry sauce, cheese and finally coleslaw (more cheese on top optional and recommended).

The addition of the coleslaw really ups the poshness of this dish. You wouldn't be ashamed to serve it to the mother in law or a local politician should they drop by for a friendly chat.

I think this would work even better with some of those spicy curly chips but I'd none at the time. A very satisfying dinner that leaves you feeling quite a bit healthier in body and mind than you would after regular curry cheese chips.

Boozey Swine

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'Curry Beanz' and 'Fiery Chilli Beanz' from Heinz

I was feeling adventurous during the week so I decided to let shit get a little wild down the bean isle. Considering the fact that until recently the only previous variation of the standard beans in tomato sauce that I was aware of were the ominous, ever present and gag-inducing 'Beans with Pork Sausages', expanding my bean horizons hadn't BEAN on the agenda. Sorry.

Heinz recently released a new line of flavoured beans including 'Cheddar Cheese' and 'Garlic and Herbs' but the 'Fiery Chilli' and 'Curry' varieties were the only ones that appealed to me. Cheese and beans just like sausages and beans are all well and good together but they should never become accustomed to each others company prior to meeting on the plate.

First up in the taste test were the curry beans. Ordinary beans, being the versatile little demons that they are, go down well any time of the day. I knew I'd have to be a little more choosy about deciding when and where these buckos were going to sit in my food schedule. I opted to place them on the late evening menu with a plate of chips and a batter sausage courtesy of my local and highly recommended 'Cooks Cabin' takeaway.
Best chips in Newbridge and on more than one occasion they've had a delivery at my door less than 10 minutes after I made the call. Top quality all round. 

First impressions of the beans is that they're a little salty. The curry is quite nice, good flavour if nothing out of the ordinary and just the right amount of kick of heat. The recipe still has a tomato base so it's not going to be out of anyone's comfort zone. All in all I approve.

The plan for the fiery chilli beans was supposed to be a nice fried breakfast with all the trimmings centering on the chilli beans and how they'd accentuate the eggs in particular.
This plan got slightly changed when I arrived home at 4am carrying a guitar in my left hand and the contents of 12 cans of Tuborg in my stomach and not much else... 
Sure you know how you'd be...

I did try my best to present this well and I don't think I did too bad considering the level of inebriation I was engulfed in at the time. It would also appear that the drunk version of me really likes pepper.

The chilli beans did exactly what they're supposed to; the usual tomato beans with a great belt of heat. Simple and to the point. Another job well done.

I still had a half a tin of each variety of beans left over so I did the decent thing and gave them the send off they deserved. 

Another plate of chips from Cooks Cabin, split in 2 with a wall of onion rings down the middle. Curry on one side, fiery chilli on the other, topped off with a little grated white cheddar cheese.
An absolute feast.

I will be buying these beans again, I find it unlikely that I'd be delving into the other flavours but these 2 will do me just fine for now. I you're feeling a little fancy you might also want to try the Heinz 'Five Beanz' variety (apologies for the crap photo), I had them a little while back and are essentially a posher version of the regular beans, the addition of other bean types adds a lot to the texture but not a huge amount more in taste. Nice overall.

There, I made to the end. And not a single fart joke. 
Probably because the last thing you'd be doing after eating as much beans combined with curry and chilli as I've done in the last couple of days is making jokes. 

Boozey Swine

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Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Buckfast Ice cream.

You wake up on couch on a sunny Sunday morning after a heavy night on the juice, you see some of your associates strewn around the room and the offer of ice cream for breakfast is casually mentioned by one of them, you jokingly suggest putting some of last nights leftover buckfast over it as a sauce, before you know it you're handed this. It's only a shot glass, not enough to get you drunk but more than enough to guarantee that  any lingering respect your relations may have had for you is gone down the very drain that the buckfast should have went. 

Buckfast, for the uninitiated, is a Tonic Wine / (currently) legal crack substitute made with love (presumably) from Calpol, green diesel and the tears of angry badgers by the monks of Buckfast Abbey in Devon (and not Scotland as I previously thought,  the Scots, like ourselves just have a particular appetite for it.)

A small drop of it over a little vanilla ice cream wasn't bad at all in fairness, although I think that says more about me. 
Do yourself a favour, drink the aul Buckfast in moderation and amongst friends, and consider this a desert, not a breakfast; I'm not a fan of funerals.


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Brown Bread avec Waffle and Egg

Brown bread I'd like you to meet your new friends, waffle, fried egg, ketchup and pepper; You're all going to get along just fine.

A quick, cheap (you probably have most if not all of this stuff in your house) and utterly delicious snack.

Apart from the insisting that you fry the waffle (don't grill or toast it, put in the effort) there's nothing to say about this. It's simply perfect, take away nothing, add nothing.



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Wednesday, September 26, 2012

2am Fridge Raid Victory

The fridge was exceptionally good to me tonight... Chicken, stuffing, coleslaw, cheese, tomato, mayonnaise, mustard and ground black pepper... There ain't a nightmare in existence that's gonna make me regret eating this at 2 in the morning.

Marks & Spencer's new bakery are responsible for the bread, I'll be investigating their produce thoroughly.

I'll have the Andrew's Liver Salts and the rosary beds beside the bed in case things get nasty.


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Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Homemade Taco Fries by Karen Reid

This is the second contribution (get a load of these maple syrup bacon pancakes) from my friend Karen who seems to be a bit of a culinary kindred spirit of mine.
Last week she recommended I try the 'Peri Peri Mayo' from Marks & Spencer, which I duly did and absolutely loved. Mega stuff. Proper spicy taco sauce style gear.

Then this morning a photo was posted to the Feeding time... Facebook page, the type of photo that would warm even the most miserable heart on a torrential Tuesday morning at the height of the Irish summer...

I'll let Karen tell you the rest:

"I did the impossible and recreated the taco fries!! All you need is mince, chips, cheese, some veg (to make you feel like you're not eating complete shite) some spices and the very special M&S Peri Peri mayo...."

"...Warning: This should only be eaten when drunk. It felt wrong and unnatural to be eating this of a Monday evening after work and the gym. But still fuckin delish all the same!"

I tip my cap to you Karen!

Here's the sauce in question:

I can't wait to make my own attempt at recreating this miracle of fast food science sometime in the near future, I can only hope it turns out half as good as this. 


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Thursday, June 28, 2012

Burger King's "Celebrating Summer"

As I was wandering towards the food court for lunch earlier today I spotted an advertisement, on the side of a bin would you believe, for the latest 'Flavour Of The Month' (as they're know in the business) from Burger King and immediately felt it had to be sampled.

Under the banner of "Celebrating Summer", alongside a very familiar looking Steakhouse Angus Burger, stood The Chicken Curry Royale. I'll chance that any day.

Apologies for the quality/staging of the photos; I was in a public place and didn't want to seem like some kind of a food pervert ("IT'S GRAND. I HAVE A BLOG.")

This is herself.

I'm not going to dwell on it too much, it was OK. I'm not going to say you shouldn't try it, just don't be expecting as much from "a chicken curry burger" as I was. I probably won't be eating another again unless I decide to do what Burger King should have done in the first place and throw a few slices of cheese on it...
I won't rest until the wonderfully alliterate combination of 'Curry Cheese' becomes mainstream.
Overall it's a little basic, Burger King's website (its called the 'Coronation Chicken Royale' in the UK) describes it as a Chicken Royale with "a curry-style sauce" and lettuce. It could have done with a little something more for lads like me whose taste buds are all but extinct, grilled peppers and the aforementioned  cheese maybe. Also the style of curry they refer to wouldn't be my preferred style. I'm more of a Chinese Take Away curry fella.

Next order of business is the side order: Cheddar Cheese Bites.

I am a huge fan of Burger King's 'Chilli Cheese Bites' so I was looking forward to and expecting a lot from these.

I was utterly let down. 

The cheese was the kind of chewy sickly consistency, temperature and smell that I'd imagine a cheese string would take on after being cooked for approximately 12-15 minutes under the left armpit of John McCririck. The less said about them the better.

All's not lost for the King this month; while I didn't have one today, for capacity reasons, the Steakhouse Angus Burger is, as is all they're Aberdeen Angus range, a top notch option if you're in the market for something a little, but not a lot, more sophisticated than a Whopper.


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Wednesday, May 9, 2012

A Tale Of 2 (Kebab) Pizzas

I'm not well. I never usually am for the few days after a stay in Thomastown, Co. Kilkenny; My spiritual home, thanks entirely to the beautiful souls that inhabit the area and have given me and my comrades in Band On An Island and our entourage some of the best memories and hangovers we'll ever be lucky enough to cherish and suffer.

That's my bit done for the local tourist board.

The reason for this trip was Neon Wolf. Great friends of ours from the locality for many years who to my and countless others delight have become one of the best bands this country has produced in a generation.
Knowing the carry on in store with their debut EP "Love Lost In Design" peaking on the download charts at number one last Friday and with a packed home town show lined up there was no keeping me and a few of the other Newbridge messers away.

Epic Bank Holiday Sunday gig done and dusted and many a beverage consumed into the early hours afterwards I made an attempt to get the lunchtime train home on Monday. Ham and cheese roll, newspaper and bottle of water in hand, myself and a very hungover Gary Wickham set off for the train station. Unfortunately Fortunately escaping from this town is never an easy task. No sooner had we walked out the door of the shop when Lee, bass man in Neon Wolf, and ourselves spotted each other from opposite sides of the road. Across the road from where I was standing is The Jerpoint Inn. Enough said. The whirlwind that transpired in the next 30 seconds was typical Thomastown. Before I knew it I was in the pub, sitting at the bar, surrounded by local heroes, Stevie, guitarist with Neon Wolf by my side. The barman, Stevie's cousin John, telling me that I wouldn't stand a chance of digesting that roll without drinking a pint of some description with it. I knew in my heart of hearts that I neither wanted nor could resist the all day session that was promised. Poor Gary, not having the luxury of the day off was sent packing to the train on his lonesome.

Bank Holiday Monday was there on a plate.. And by Jaysus the curse of the town would have been on me if I refused it.

Jump to 9pm.

So you know how'd you'd be with 10 or 15 pints inside of you, not to mention a couple of shots of some Godforsaken tack that more than closely resembled in colour and taste a pound shop grade shower gel; you're going to be a little bit peckish.
"Right boys, I'm going to get us something to eat". Having relocated a few hours earlier to the familiar head quarters of Eddie Murphy's Pub, I was going on the hunt for food. "Get the Taco Pizza in Monti's" I was told unanimously. "Fair enough!" says I.

Around the corner I went but alas whatever ingredient was crucial to the construction of this much revered beauty was lacking from the pizza makers arsenal on this occasion.
Never one to rest on my laurels when in this tender condition I ordered the item located next to the Taco Pizza on the menu : "Kebab Pizza". I paid up, went back around to finish my pint and returned 10 minutes later not having any inclination that the package I was handed would change the standards of what I would consider a taste sensation forever.

Now I'd like to state for the record that Monti's Take Away in Thomastown is a chipper I've visited on average of about once a month for the past few years and have never ever been even slightly disappointed with anything I've got from there. There's not a lot of chippers in Ireland that I can say that about. The best way to judge any chipper is by it's chips. There is no excuse for a bad bag of chips. Ever.
It drives me mad to get a bag of under cooked chips, many places will do this to keep a queue moving and get people away from the counter. Saving a minute or 2 in time might create the illusion of a better service but will ultimately send potential regular customers somewhere else. This practice is even rampant in the multinational fast food chains where their skinny, hardly worth a shite anyway, French fries take about 3 minutes from frozen to cook. The company policy of getting the customer served and away from the counter in seconds puts their employees under great pressure and I constantly see the fries being lifted from the cookers 30 seconds and up to a minute early creating a far inferior product. Have a look at the countdown timers visible from the counter the next time you see a member of awkwardly waiting for the fries to cook. Chip rant over. Just to say that I've never seen the staff in Monti's cut this or any other corner and it shows.

I was first off was very impressed with the artwork on the box. Not unique to here but none the less it's never any harm to put in a bit of effort in this department. An aul happy looking chef holding a delicious pizza standing in front of a view of a lovely sunny day over the sea. You couldn't ask for more than that in my book.

I couldn't resist a little sneaky peak inside on the 20 second walk back to the pub. It was one weird looking pizza but Holy Mother of God did it smell nice.

I'm not going to beat around the bush, I don't have a bulls notion what was on the thing apart from the doner kebab meat. There's clearly 2 different sauces on this lad, maybe there was a little cheese on the base, I can't honestly say. What I can say is that at the time of eating, and I'm fully aware that legally I probably shouldn't have been even let operate the simple mechanism of opening a pizza box but, it was the tastiest pizza I've ever eaten.

Sure look at the delighted satisfied heads on me and Stevie eating the thing. 

On Tuesday morning while making a break for the relative solitude of Co. Kildare, and even in the absolute tatters that I was in, I made sure to pass by Monti's on the tiny chance they might be open early to repeat the previous nights creation, it wasn't to be.

So there I was the very next day searching all the pizza places in Newbridge on the off chance that they might do a similar kebab pizza. I hit on one place offering a "Greek Kebab Pizza: Tasty lamb kebab meat with sliced red onions & Tzatziki sauce." This was from the newly reopened and relocated  Apace Pizza. I've always liked Apace (even allowing for the very annoying and stereotypically questionable "Apace Pizza, Happy Days" radio ad) so I was glad to see them reopening in the town. I threw in an order to them via the website.

Another reason why I was glad to see Apace reopen was they do just about the nicest side order in the business. Jalapeño Poppers. At €4 for 4 they are a little expensive but I will say that the other times I've had this side order were in 2 or 3 well respected places in New York and none of them could hold a candle to the ones from Apace.

All they are is Jalapeños stuffed with cream cheese, battered and deep fried. Absolute perfection. I'd eat them by the ton.

Now my first impression of the pizza after I'd seen what the other looked like was "these aren't the droids I'm looking for". And it wasn't. Now that's not to say there is anything wrong with this pizza, it was tasty and I stuffed my face....

And my trusty side kick Pippin's face with it. As as rule she eats a little of everything I get. She's like a canary down the mineshaft, the day she starts getting sick from eating all this crap I'll start to worry about myself.
She was doing laps of the kitchen for the doner meat, she loved it.

But anyway to get to the point. If I had of gotten this pizza from Apache without tasting the one from Monti's I would have been perfectly happy with it. It's definitely worth a try. It seems there's a whole world of Kebab Pizzas out there and I'm more than happy to try them all.

Here's the debut single and video from Neon Wolf. I can't recommend the EP enough, buy it from iTunes or preferably from your local sole trader Irish owned record shop but either way check them out.

Incidentally this isn't the first time Neon Wolf have been featured on this blog. Drummer Joe was featured in The Dog Father Hot Dogs but unfortunately has since sold the operation on. I hope whoever takes over the reigns of this wonderful hot dog making machine gives it as much care and attention as Joe did.

Till next time
B.S x

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Monday, April 30, 2012

Guacamole, Pancetta and 2 Cheese Sandwich

I'm a big fan of the aul Guacamole, it's an under used substance in Irish society. I'd never made it before today though, I'd been a bit put off by all the different recipes doing the rounds so I decided to check with Roisin Dempsey, maker of the finest guacamole in Newbridge. Simplicity seems to be the key, ripe avocados being the main ingredient, with just some lime juice, garlic and salt and pepper.

I've also been curious about those little packets of bacon bits and how they'd do in a sandwich. They're little cubes of dry cured Italian bacon which in itself, I'm told, is called Pancetta. I've always thought that some sandwiches aren't suited to having bacon in one big strip. It can sometimes, especially in melted cheese situations, bond with all the other fillings and pull everything out with your first bite, making a mess of your well deserved snack.

I've seen "Grilled Cheese with Guacamole" doing the rounds on the internet for a while and I've been looking forward to trying it. I've decided to add cream cheese to the cheddar cheese as they work fantastic together in these type of hot sandwiches and switch out traditional rashers with pancetta. A little tomato never hurts either!

Altogether I used 2 avocados, a lime, 2 cloves of garlic and salt and pepper for the guacamole, then some grated cheddar cheese, cream cheese, a tomato, the pancetta and this sandwich bread which I find, strangely enough, is good for sandwiches.

First off I prepared the Guacamole. It's important to use ripe avocados, give em an aul squeeze when your buying them and pick the soft ones. Cut them in 2 like this and remove the conker on steroids that resides in their core.

Finely chop up a couple of cloves of garlic. I don't know if this qualifies as finely chopped but it's as finely as I could manage.

Scoop out the flesh of the avocado with a spoon, add the garlic and the juice of a lime to the mix, through in a little salt and good dose of pepper then mash the shit out of it...

...Until it looks a little something like this. This is actually quite a lot, if I was only using it for a couple of sandwiches half this would have easily done. Rest assured it won't go to waste, I'm sure I'll find some class of a crisp to shovel it down with.

Next up is this gear. One of these portions was plenty for 2 sandwiches. 

I just threw it on a frying pan for a few minutes until it crisped up a little, no need for oil, it's full of grease as it is. It's no harm to drain off that grease when it's done either, spare half a thought for your ticker!

Now it's time to construct the sandwich. I spread the cream cheese on both slices of bread then spread a nice layer of guacamole on top of one of those. I grated up some cheese and cut 4 thin slices of tomato.

Then on the guacamole slice I sprinkled some of the pancetta cubes while the grated cheese and tomato was arranged on the other slice.

Close her up and butter the outside thoroughly, then lob it onto the frying pan butter side down.

With the buttered side cooking butter the upward facing slice. Give it 90 seconds to 2 minutes on each side. Keep an eye on it though, carefully lifting the corners with a spatula. Under cooking or over cooking can spoil a fried sandwich.

You should end up with something like this.

It was pretty fecking nice, well worth a try if you're into the effort of it all. I've never had shop bought guacamole but I doubt it's as good as the freshly made stuff but it could save a lot of time. A few tips if you're going to try this would be to not over do it on the guacamole, it's a strong element of the sandwich and you don't want to go overboard. On the other hand don't be afraid to use plenty of cream cheese and cheddar cheese, they match up great with the guacamole while the tomato being a classic ingredient only adds to the buzz. The pancetta adds another great element to this, the strong salty flavour cuts great with everything else and also adds a nice chewy bite. Don't be afraid to add plenty of this either.

Until the next time, I've been the Boozey Swine.

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Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Salami Scrambled Eggs

I'm a fussy bastard. Especially when it comes to eggs. I was in my twenties before I ate a complete fried egg for fuck sake. Before that I'd only eat the yellow bit. I've been gradually trying over the last couple of years to get over this fear. Once I'd developed a taste for the fried, poached and boiled varieties I knew things were about to get tricky as I faced my next challenge, that trepidating foray into Scrambled Egg/Omelette territory. To make a boring story short I like scrambled eggs, omelettes and their texture; not so much. I do like, however, the mechanics behind the creation of a good omelette, i.e. throwing absolutely everything and anything into it and frying it up. I have also discovered that the best way, well my favourite way, to scramble eggs is to cook them in a frying pan.

This is my attempt at having the best of both worlds. 

"Eggs, Milk, Cheddar Cheese, Parmesan Cheese, Salami, 
Onion and Ground Chilli Pepper (Jamie Oliver optional)"

I figured out a while ago that I was going to have to put some kind of contingency plan in place should I ever run out of bread, and thus be lacking a proper mode of transportation for the meat and cheese that has to go into my belly. Crackers ain't gonna cut it for dinner I'm afraid, so I quickly focussed my attention on eggs.

The problem with eggs is that they don't taste of much. They work best when they're part of a great team, like a good central defender, think Steve Bruce in a yellow and white jersey.

Tonight, as I was looking for ingredients to put into this dish, I was left very disappointed when I realised that I had no scallions or tomatoes. Shockingly this turned out to be a good thing. The combination of shite that made it's way into this particular scrambled delight was my favourite yet and I'm very glad I had my camera out to capture the moment.

As you can see in the wonderfully presented photo above the ingredients are pretty basic. Ok not everyone is going to have parmesan cheese and ground chilli pepper; cheddar on it's own and regular pepper will do. BUT everyone should, after the lecture I'm about to give, have Salami Milano in their fridge. I get irritable if I've less than two packets of this wonder meat in the house. I have no interest in any other meat after tasting it's superb flavour. Salami was recommended to me before, see Shauna's Bagel, but I only recently got around to devoting a little time to this cured Italian miracle. To illustrate this point most simply: I bought some Salami on Christmas Eve, as you do, and have not bought any other type of meat since. No chicken, no roast beef and most shockingly of all... NO HAM.
It's been the centrepiece of almost every sandwich I've eaten at home in the last 3 weeks. Fried, though, it becomes an altogether different beast. I can't describe it, you just have to smell and taste it for yourself.

Enough chat. Heat up a frying pan with some olive oil, dice up some onion and roughly chop or tear up about six slices of Salami.

Throw it all in there and let it fry up for a few minutes...

While this is frying you'll want to get your other shit ready, crack 3 eggs into some sort of a bowl, add a little milk and mix it all up nicely with a fork. Grate up a very generous amount of cheddar cheese and have the parmesan and ground chilli ready too.

After 2 or 3 minutes remove the Salami and onion from the pan and onto a plate. Now this is important; DO NOT throw away the cocktail of Olive Oil/Salami Fat/Onion Juice that is in the pan. This is liquid gold. This is what's gonna make these eggs the best eggs you've ever tasted.

The entire cooking process from now to the plate is only about a minute or two.
First pour the eggs into the pan that's covered in that priceless oil.

Immediately top off with the cheddar cheese, the Salami and onion and then the chilli pepper and parmesan.

Now this is how you scramble eggs on a frying pan; drag your spatula from the outside of the pan towards the centre until all the raw egg has come in contact with the hot surface and has cooked, (Kinda like this dude does)

Remember It'll cook really fast and is best eaten immediately so have your plate/bowl ready to go.
Top off with a little more chilli and parmesan and you're done.

Some kind of crazy alchemy shit happens when the fried salami and eggs come in contact; they become greater than the sum of their parts. It's just fucking delicious. It's also about the most filling meal that I've ever eaten that contains practically no carbs; that's one for you Atkins dieters. It's really simple and quick to make; preparation and cooking time is only about 5 minutes.

I'm delighted with how this turned out, give it a go, it makes a great breakfast, lunch or dinner (from a purely taste perspective that is, your cardiologist, should you have one, will almost certainly have a different view).


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Sunday, January 8, 2012

The Elvis Sandwich...

Today would have been Elvis Presley's 76th Birthday. Partly thanks to eating sandwiches like the one I'm about to make he got nowhere near that age. You live by the sword, you die by the sword.

Now there's more than one sandwich connected to The King; the "Fool's Gold Loaf" is the most disgusting of them all and one which I will NEVER attempt to make. It consists of a hollowed out loaf of bread filled with a full jar of grape jelly (jam), a full jar of peanut butter and a POUND of bacon. If you want to try one I believe Leahy's Funeral home sell them.

The sandwich I'm going to make consists of Peanut Butter and Banana in white bread. Fried.
Some reports say Elvis also loved bacon on this sandwich. Fuck that shit. It's a Sunday evening and I don't want both the pints I drank last night and the pints I plan on drinking later being ruined. There's a time and a place for everything. Even bacon.

I have no idea how this is gonna turn out or how manky it's gonna taste but here I go anyway.

There's only a few basic ingredients; a banana, some peanut butter (the smooth kind), 2 slices of white bread and some "as far as I'm concerned it IS butter"

Mash up the banana (this was a disgusting process) and spread it on one slice of bread, spread peanut butter on the other.

Close it over and butter the outside of the sandwich.

Throw onto a preheated frying pan, butter side down, and butter the other side.

Give it a couple of minutes and turn it over when it looks like this:

Give the other side a couple of minutes and you're all done.

Hmmm... At first it wasn't as bad as I though it would be. I nearly managed to eat half of it but then my stomach started panicking mildly.
It just was not right. Hot banana?! Hot Peanut Butter?! In a FRIED Sandwich?! No. No. No.
This is a combination that neither my taste buds, my stomach nor my brain can endorse.
It was a hunka hunka burning shite.

Elvis, you're sound for doing what you did for Rock 'n' Roll and all that but I'm just not a fan of your sandwiches.
If only you'd stuck to the toasted ham and cheese you might still be with us... Probably not though.

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